Watchmen Babies in V for Vacation
by Seanchai15
Summary: Finished! Sorry about the long wait. Six-year-old Rorschach investigates the disappearance of the Comedian while on vacation in Florida with the other Watchbabies. Based on Alan Moore's Simpsons appearance. Major spoilers in chapter six.
1. Chapter 1

The characters are not mine, and the concept is from an episode of the Simpsons where Milhouse asks Alan Moore to sign his copy of "Watchmen Babies in V for Vacation." Enjoy!

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Rorschach's Journal. August 12, 1946. 1:00 PM: Mother desperate to get rid of me for awhile. Agreed to let Ms. Jupiter take me to the beach with her daughter and some of her friends from school. Know these people- they're like me. Fight for what is right, no matter what. Take out bullies and thieves, making sure that the lunch aides always catch them. Well, almost always. Sometimes take things into our own hands, get them suspended ourselves. Once got someone expelled. Stole a doll and let his dog tear it apart- couldn't let him get away with it.

Rorschach's Journal. August 12, 1946. 6:30 PM: Found smiley face pin in hotel parking lot. Recognised immediately as Comedian's. Never seen him without it. Something's wrong. Overhear people talking; saying kid has been sent home for misbehaving, saying it's a shame. Determined to find out who ratted him out.

First go to Comedian's room. Found superhero underoos in closet. Definitely didn't pack for himself, most likely was forced out. Visit Dan. Disagrees that maybe Laurie's Uncle Hollis got fed up with the Comedian. Hear that Hollis used to babysit for him, and that he always went out of his way to annoy him. Need to look into lead further. Go sit on hotel balcony to think. On Friday night, a Comedian was sent home from Florida. Somebody knows why. Down there… somebody knows.

Go to see Adrian. He gets the best grades in our whole class, maybe he knows things I can't figure out. Tell him ideas about someone getting rid of kids who wear masks. Adults say we're creepy, sometimes even say we have personality disorders. Always trying to get rid of us. Even made a rule saying we can't wear masks in public. Refuse to obey the rule. Doesn't think so, says Comedian annoyed enough adults that one probably just snapped. Get mad and tell him that he's a sell-out for letting his mom put him in a cereal commercial. Now everybody knows who he is, cause he had to wear his cape in the ad. Don't think that was a good idea. Forced his retirement from fighting bullies. Decide Adrian isn't helpful and go to find Jon and Laurie.

Jon and Laurie get to share a room because her mom has to keep an eye on him. Something to do with him being blue and dangerous, think it's really because Laurie is his girlfriend. Heard that they even _held hands_. Don't have time for a girlfriend. My hands are for fighting crime, not holding. Jon doesn't seem too worried, says that being on vacation at home is the same as being on vacation here, and that there's no reason to worry. Laurie doesn't want to talk about it. Once her mom was babysitting the Comedian, and he threw a tantrum and hit her. Uncle Hollis had to come yell at him. Says he's a bad boy and deserved to get sent home. Still no answers about who did it, though. Jon makes me go away, and then suddenly I'm in the hallway. Must be a blue guy thing.

Rorschach's Journal. August 12, 1946. 8:00 PM. Bedtime. Can't stop thinking about what happened today. Our second day of vacation, and already we might need to go solve another crime. Am upset by everybody else. A Comedian had to go home tonight. He was put in a car and strapped in, then driven hundreds of miles away. Nobody cares. Nobody cares but me.

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Laurie was getting sick of being stuck in the room with Jon, but her mom had told them that he would scare people if he went outside, and she didn't want to leave her boyfriend. She's told everybody on the playground that when she grew up she wanted to marry Jon, and couldn't back out now. Besides, those men who usually took care of him would be angry if they heard that she'd made Jon sad. After what seemed like years of sitting in the room and playing solitaire, she decided to go see if Dan wanted to go get hamburgers from the grill. Jon decided to stay behind and play with his "My First Nuclear Physics Set."

Dan was fun to hang out with, and he really seemed to understand her problems. Like when she told him about the bikini her mom had brought for her to wear to the pool, he'd agreed that it was probably a good thing that they weren't allowed to go swimming today. Plus, they could talk about funny people they'd met, and even joke about their friends. She found that she really liked being with him, and wondered if she could have two boyfriends.


	2. Chapter 2

The characters are not mine, and the concept is from an episode of the Simpsons where Milhouse asks Alan Moore to sign his copy of "Watchmen Babies in V for Vacation." Enjoy!

BTW, SirenRiya pointed out that the ages don't exactly gel with the canon, but since this is an AU, all the characters are about six or seven, with the comedian being about ten and Sally and Hollis in their late 20s/ early 30s.

Glad to have gotten such positive feedback on chapter one, and would love to hear more from everybody- reviews inspire a glee I cannot even describe. Thanks for reading!

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Rorschach's Journal. August 13, 1946. 8:30 AM. : Hid in room next door, waiting for occupant to return. Revealed to be Edgar Jacobi aka Moloch the Magician, who took kids' money in crooked card tricks. Maybe he knows about the Comedian. Decide element of surprise important, hide in mini-fridge. Leap out and tackle upon re-entry of room. Parents still at beach. Only have a few minutes. Must act quickly. Demand to hear everything he knows about the Comedian. Claims Comedian broke into room, raving about seeing pool toys out car window. Story so crazy, just might be true. Tell him about candy found in drawer. Know parents don't allow candy. Tells me it's to cheer him up. Apparently is sick and wants it to make him feel better. Decide to tell gift shop not to sell kids candy.

Rorschach's Journal. August 13, 1946. 9:00 AM. : Heard yelling in hallway, looked out in time to see Laurie storming out of room. Jon running after, saying he was sorry. Sorry for what? How can an all-powerful guy be sorry? Remember Jon's ex, Janey. In fifth grade now, while Jon stays with us. Has been reported as having massive infection of cooties. Says Jon couldn't relate to her, wasn't good with people. Now see what she means. Laurie gone to Dan. Best friends, always talking when upset. Wonder what it's like, then stop. Emotion is weakness.

Rorschach's Journal. August 13, 1946. 10:00 AM. : See Jon outside, telling other kids, unmasked ones, who he is and why he's blue. Talks about physics, they don't get it Finally says is alien and is accepted, until one asks if it's true Jon gives people cooties. Jon angry, makes them disappear. Feels guilty, leaves. No idea where he went. Maybe Mars? Oh, wait, that's him on the beach. Is on beach, uncharted territory. Only been to pool, Ms. Jupiter says beach is too big and dangerous.

Am worried. Non-mask kids testing Laurie for cooties, say Jon highly contagious. Go to see Moloch again, still claims doesn't know what's going on. Consider locking in mini-fridge, decide against it- in this heat, would be too kind to him. Leave, satisfied that he knows nothing.

While leaving, hear other kids talking about threat of rival children planning attack. Have heard we're from New York, are aggressive Bostonians planning attack. Only stay away because of Jon. Frightens them. People always afraid of the unknown. And the blue and naked. Don't know why.

Rorschach's Journal. August 13, 1946. 1:00 PM. : Laurie decided to stay with Dan after fight with Jon. Am told Jon is still at beach, contemplating life, death, and why the mini-bar wants four dollars for a bag of M&Ms. Wondering if Laurie told him to leave so she could be with Dan. Saw her walking close to him, actually even- only two types walk like that- line leaders and couples. Don't see lines behind them.

Watch trash can from poolside grill. In New York, trash is always significant, tells story. Here only story is heat, makes people want ice cream, throw out wrappers and popsicle sticks.

Rorschach's Journal. August 13, 1946. 9:30 PM. : Woken up by yells in hallway. Someone tried to punch Adrian, hit girl who co-starred in commercial instead. Adrian hit him, like we do to thugs at school, but kid ran to parents before Adrian heard why he was there. Am sure someone is attacking masked children now.

Found note taped to door. Moloch says he has information for me. Go to his room, stopping swimmie robbery along way. Find room dark, parents must be out. Moloch gone, but hear voices outside. Adults. Demand I come out, not happy I wore my face and went to another room. Find hairspray to defend self with. Adults burst in, spray into eyes. Know it stings- mother does hair with me in room, doesn't care if it gets in my eyes or nose. Face protects me. Almost escape, am tackled in hallway. Am dragged off to place I have sent so many before me… time out.


	3. Chapter 3

The characters are not mine, and the concept is from an episode of the Simpsons where Milhouse asks Alan Moore to sign his copy of "Watchmen Babies in V for Vacation." Enjoy!

Thank you all sooo much for the wonderful reviews. I absolutely thrive on them, and knowing what you all like helps me write more funny stuff. Please keep sending me feedback!

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Rorschach's Journal. August 14, 1946. 8:00 AM. : Stuck in small room with fat man showing nonsense pictures. Is apparently child psychologist who wants to talk to me about my "violent tendencies." Adult way of saying "you're a funny freak." Like knowing adult language, read a lot to learn big words, but don't like when people think I don't get what they mean. Try to concentrate. Black spots. Rorschach test. Liked idea even before I could pronounce name. Pulling something out of nothing. Blot looks like dog, tail between legs, whimpering. Remember hitting it, after stolen doll chewed. Stuffing still clinging to jaws. First time ever hurting animal- necessary.

See pity in man's eyes- sees me as what I am- freak of nature, mask-wearing lunatic. Own mother called me "backwards." Determined to prove own worth to man. For now, am sent back to day-care. Should be light, fun place with blocks, is actually just holding area for unwanted kids. Am here as punishment for beating Moloch. Other kids angry- some here because of me. Crime doesn't take a vacation, neither do I. Have stopped toy robberies at pool and several hall-running drag races. Am not popular. Threats to beat me up, flush head in toilet. Need to escape.

Rorschach's Journal. August 15, 1946. 2:00 PM. : New day, back with fat man. Seems to not have anything better to do with own vacation than talk. Asks about name, calls me Walt. No one calls me that. Not _ever_. Prefer "Walter" or even just "Kovacs" to "Walt." Tell about girl at school. Face made from her security blanket. Dropped during attack. Bully gave her black eye, rest of class did nothing. Teacher came in almost ten minutes later. Girl transferred schools, probably to arctic. (Adrian says it's nice there. No people.) Made me want to protect people. Don't think he believes me.

Someone tried to stab me during lunch today. Freshly sharpened pencil, perfect point for attack. Threw ice cold juice on to make go away. Now in more trouble, put in corner. Still have to talk with shrink. Tell about old days, just telling teachers on bullies. Before I handled them myself. Tell about friends, Nite Owl, how he started only talking to teachers, Comedian, big and strong- admired him, hard to think of him with seatbelt digging into him. Too big for carseat, no cushioning, just hard seat. Hope he' s alright. Finally let go, go back to corner.

Rorschach's Journal. August 14, 1946. 4:00 PM. : Have heard Dan and Laurie planning a rescue. Hope they succeed- can't stand one more day of forced arts and crafts. Have made enough foam fish and shells to open shop. Have new plan for retirement from law enforcement. Involves opening foam creature shop.


	4. Chapter 4

The characters are not mine, and the concept is from an episode of the Simpsons where Milhouse asks Alan Moore to sign his copy of "Watchmen Babies in V for Vacation." Enjoy!

Sorry this is so short, but I've been super-busy and haven't had much writing time. Hopefully I'll have more free time over the weekend and the next chapter will be nice and long to make up for this.

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Rorschach's Journal. August 14, 1946. 6:00 PM. : Complete mayhem. Tantrums everywhere, nannies have lost control. Smell smoke. Easy Bake Oven overcooking pineapple turnover. Shame. Love pineapple turnover. Paper strewn everywhere. Stay in corner, avoiding other children. Am approached by kid calling self Big Figure. Is still in kindergarten, but is older than me. Idiot. Remember lunch money heist ring. Led to parents losing faith, putting in day care, even on vacation. Wants to get rid of me. Brings fourth grade goons- much stronger than me. Manage to tie up one goon through bars, put out of picture. Get rid of second by squirting with water fountain. Is sopping wet and leaves to get a change of clothes. Big Figure runs. Will get him later. Hear commotion. Soon Dan and Laurie come to rescue, try to convince me to go. Not yet. Run into bathroom Big Figure hid in. Go in and give swirlie to end all swirlies. Last I expect to hear of him. Won't risk coming near me again. Go back to real room with friends.


	5. Chapter 5

The characters are not mine, and the concept is from an episode of the Simpsons where Milhouse asks Alan Moore to sign his copy of "Watchmen Babies in V for Vacation."

Sorry for the severely delayed update! Real life has just been taking over recently and (unfortunately) taking away the time I can devote to Watchmen writing. Hopefully, I'll be able to do one chapter a week until this is done from now on. Enjoy!

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Rorschach's Journal. August 14, 1946. 8:00 PM. : Jon insisted on taking Laurie to beach at night. Probably trying to make her want to be his girlfriend again, now that she has been declared cootie-free. Stay with Dan to continue looking into Comedian's removal. Get spare costume from suitcase, have fight with Dan in room. Thinks theory about adult mask-hater is wrong, that bigger forces at work. Calls me chicken, says I think everyone is mean to me. Yells at me for calling him stupid, then make up- if I can't call Dan my friend, then I have no friends and no excuses to leave house when mom has friends over. Decide to look into person who tried to punch Adrian, hope for answers about Comedian and Jon.

Rorschach's Journal. August 14, 1946. 8:30 PM. : Go to big kids' hangout for information, dig nails into fingers until am sent to man who knew puncher, Roy Chess. Claims someone sent instructions and candy as bribe to Chess, says he didn't know Adrian was meant to be victim. Notes were from Pyramid After-School Club. Going with Dan to investigate group tomorrow- bedtime in half hour, and staying out would draw attention. Last thing we need is extra attention.

Rorschach's Journal. August 15, 1946. 7:30 AM. : Go to Adrian's room to look for clues. Dan points out love of Egypt, pyramid stickers on suitcase. Manages to unlock diary with password, finds records of attendance at Pyramid Club, and that Adrian is student president. Realise that Adrian may be behind everything, and decide to head to Karnak. Not sure why he calls his beach cabana Karnak, but guess it involves Egypt or breakfast cereals. Maybe it was an Egyptian breakfast cereal. Decide to take diary along to read bike ride to beach- always wondered if Adrian had crush on anyone in class, or if smart kids only wrote about smart-kid stuff, like just doing math for fun. Turns out he doesn't like-like anybody, and he does just do long division like a third-grader. Am sort of sad for him, than remember he might be evil, or at least annoying.

Rorschach's Journal. August 15, 1946. 8:15 AM. : Ride on sidecar of Dan's bike until it gets stuck in sand, than walk to Karnak, complaining about need for hover-bikes. Would be really awesome. Finally arrive at Karnak, start eating sugar- will need strength to battle smartest kid in world, and sugar rush seems like good plan. Just hope to survive- seems like final-smackdown sort of event.


	6. Chapter 6

The characters are not mine, and the concept is from an episode of the Simpsons where Milhouse asks Alan Moore to sign his copy of "Watchmen Babies in V for Vacation."

Warning that spoilers here, as we're nearing the end of the story. If you haven't read the GN or seen the movie yet, don't ruin it for yourself- appreciate Alan Moore's awesomeness! (Then read and review this!)

Also, I know the Comedian should be in his 20s, but for the sake of the AU, he's about nine or ten.

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Rorschach's Journal. August 15, 1946. 8:30 AM. : Watch Dan try to catch breath. Bike much slower than car, never realized how far beach was until it was too late. Don't tell me he didn't have a choice. Miss Jupiter would have driven us here. See Adrian's shadow through cabana, looks like he's giving a speech to group of younger kids. Always hated his speeches- boring tales of his own "adventures." Cat is with him. Think I am allergic- always get sweaty palms and nausea near her. Know these are not actually allergy symptoms, but is preferable to alternative: fear.

Dan says surprise is not a good plan- too easy to see through white netting. Curse lack of color and substantial fabric. Wonder if the Egyptians with their fancy "Karnak" cereal had netting over beach chairs. Wonder aloud if Adrian is going crazy, Dan says no way to tell. Maybe true, but I think I can tell that Dan is a little nuts. Or a lot nuts- dressed in bathing suit printed with owls and fighting to save potential cootie queen.

Overhear bits of Adrian's conversation. Talking about Greece, Egypt, world peace- sounds like Miss America contestant. Now on to cutting knots with scissors- his mom must spend a fortune on shoelaces. Apparently ate entire bag of jelly beans once and had dream about plan, but still won't say what plan is. Dan says we should go in now to try and stop whatever's going on, are passed by little kids leaving, all saying they want to go home. Enter and find Adrian facing other way, eating sandwich wrapped in tinfoil. Must have been seen in foil reflection, as he spins and grabs me, flinging backwards. Dan is easily thrown to ground too, Adrian asks why we're there. Like he doesn't already know.

Starts telling whole story, about not liking Comedian since kindergarten. Was researching older kids to see what upper grades would be like, tried to find Hooded Justice, who transferred schools before we were even in preschool. Comedian, in third grade then, not happy and hit him. Try to stab with plastic lunch fork- story is boring and want to leave, but blocks with paper plate. No idea how paper holds, but does. Continues rambling, talks about decision to beat Blake in fight to prove world wasn't doomed. Not sure how this logic works, but he _is_ smarter than me, so he would know better.

Moves on to how he tried to come up with solution to rivalry between New York kids and Boston kids, realized that big fight would happen no matter what. Thought us having Jon made problems worse, so spread cootie rumor to get him to leave. Scared that fight would lead to end of kids being allowed on vacation, Adrian forced himself to act. Still won't tell us what he's doing, though. Says something about big prank, how Comedian got jealous and had to be sent home for finding lots of smart kids and crafty kids working for Adrian. Still no idea what is going on- either he's getting smarter, or I'm getting dumber. At least Dan looks confused too. Adrian is talking about hiding a walkie talkie in Moloch's room and hearing Comedian talking to him. Finally decides to clue us in on plot, says he planned to scare everybody into cooperating by making believe there was a monster from outer space attacking, making everybody panic uncontrollably.

Finally, Dan asks what I'm wondering- when was this going to happen? Adrian laughs, says he's not a cartoon character and that he sent out the "alien" fifteen minutes ago. Am still in shock when Jon runs in with Laurie. His brain seems to be broken, he's talking to people in the past and not making sense. Blames big word I'm not even going to try to spell. It's an Adrian word, big and complicated. Tells us that half of pool has been forced to leave, fleeing a giant inflatable squid. Will never eat calamari again.

Adrian tries to zap Jon with giant machine that made him blue in the first place, solves age-old mystery- what happens when a cat gets in a microwave? Answer is not good, as Bubastis now knows. Never liked her anyway.

Laurie pulls out water gun she grabbed on way in and tries to shoot Adrian, but he manages to catch the water in his mouth. Didn't know that was even possible, but there he is. Kicks Laurie, making Dan freak out and threaten him, imitating cartoon characters. Seems unmoved by Dan. Is moved, however, by giant blue hand knocking over cabana. Jon comes in, sounds like mother as he tells Adrian that he's disappointed in him. Watch out window as kids run and scream, and Adrian starts jumping up and down and screaming "I did it!" over and over again. Is very annoying.

Dan and Laurie decide to not tell parents that it was Adrian that did this, and not tell kids that monster isn't real. Better for people to be scared together than brave apart, they say. Is ridiculous. Will not give in. Storm out, am quickly followed by Jon. Know he won't let me get to people to tell truth, but accept it. Better than giving up. Jon grabs me, teleports us to Miss Jupiter, tells her I'm scaring little kids and picking on Dan and Laurie. Gets angry, calls mother, soon am forced into car to go home.

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Rorschach's Journal. August 23, 1946. 5:30 PM. : Am sitting on couch in small living room, close to Hudson River. Hear pots and pans clanging in next room, wish own mother actually cooked. Have been staying with Blakes, as mother would hurt me is she knew I'd been sent home. Sitting listening to radio with Eddie, chewing on sugar cubes while he sits as close as possible to his father's ashtray. Says he loves the smell of cigars, though I have a sinking feeling he might just be responding to my odor. Haven't bathed in long time- causes bad reactions. As we listen, I see his eyes light up at the descriptions of murders, can't understand it- detectives more interesting. Also, am coming to slow realization that there are words that Eddie says his teacher calls nouns that belong at the beginning of a sentence. Am not happy about idea, and less happy about Eddie trying to make me speak "properly" by punching every time I speak . I mean badly. Apparently he's reading over my shoulder.


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